I’m situated now inside the evening
I carry two cold beers in my plastic grocery sac
It feels amniotic and sane
My clogs charging down into the floor of the train platform
Like a statement or a photograph
Last night I dreamt about jumping into the swimming pool
It seemed
I dove in so as to change the subject
Only problem was the water was a thick sort of gelatin
I went in deeper than I’d meant to
It took all my strength to raise my body up
Ultimately what woke me was my scalp
Breaking thru the layer of film on top
On the train the person applies cocoa butter over themself
Dutifully, untwisting the jar
Like a secret out of their backpack
And scooping out a pat of cream
Between their index and ring fingers
Holding it there in a position of medical readiness
In a sort of saintly style
Christ be with you!
Peace be with you!
Leaving the house this afternoon was the easiest lie
I did not know how I wanted to look
I still don’t
I was wearing an outfit and thinking not too many thoughts
My biggest influences right now are survival and clowns
I am sure that I look much more normal than I feel
And can be understood much easier
Than I would like
In the pharmacy the woman greets me
From behind her curtain of makeup
She asks me how long have I been in transition
Well
My whole life I guess!
The stubbly terrain of her chin pasted over with tint
Like a stucco wall
Her cheek powdered in crushed rose
In all the wrong places
Their pigments so ground-down and forgotten
She tells me she’s been on E since December
I congratulate her
Because what else to say
There’s delicate discrepancy to being kindred in the pharmacy
We take our vials from behind the counter and scurry away
October was like that
Suddenly cold and determined
I no longer know what kind of person it is
I am aiming for
When I meet myself in the mirror
I stole a timepiece from the target on Avenue A
All the corners turning stainless steel and clean
The people go underground scouring the shelves
For the prettiest-looking foods and wares
I stole a timepiece
And I am putting it together now
I am putting it all together
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About the Author
Jack Meriwether (b. 1992) is a writer and performer from Ohio living in New York City. Their writing has been published by Heavy Feather Review, bad pony, Seasons of Des Pair, and is forthcoming from Peace On Earth Review. Jack performs and hosts events regularly in New York, including Bring Your Own Body, an ongoing performance series most recently held at Theater Lab. In 2021, Jack forayed into film acting, starring in Joshua Kaufman’s Hold and Sean Dahlberg and Carol Hu’s short Albedo, or Apples and Oranges, both forthcoming.
